Its all coming back

So May it almost over. Then next month is June. And while I can not wait for Eclipse to come out I am SCARED to death of what July will bring to our family. Some time in June I will be scheduling Rachel’s 2nd MRI and neurology appointment. She will also have another genetics appointment. I did not want her to do the first MRI and I so do not want her to do another. I’m so afraid that the fluid in her head will be worse then what it was before and she will have to have the fluid drained. I do not want my (now) 15 month old to go through that. Plus what if something else is wrong? What if there is something else that has to be corrected? I am so scared of this visit. I’m scared of what the out come may be.  I’m hoping it will be good but I can’t help but think “what if its not”? I can now clearly remember the mess I was before her last MRI and how I cried when I got the phone call that Rachel had to see a neurologist and then they set the appointment up for that WEEK. I knew something wasn’t right. We usually have to schedule appointments at least two to three weeks in advance.  I don’t want to go through this again. I know I don’t have a choice.  That I have to be strong and that this is all probably for nothing.

We have gotten so lucky with Rachel. Things could be ten times worse then they are now. Will this lucky streak last for a bit longer? Or will it run out? I hate not knowing. I’ve known in the back of  my head since February that she had to go back. She had to do another one. But I just didn’t want to accept it. It wasn’t happening yet so it wasn’t real. But its real.